The Apprentice: Martha Stewart
Predicting The "Winner"
Commentary by Evan D. Baltz
December 14, 2005
As the season of Martha's Apprentice comes to a close, well actually as the show comes to a close forever, since it has been cancelled, I thought I would throw in one prediction for how it will all turn out. If I were Martha, I wouldn't be too pleased with my fellow media megalomaniac, The Donald, for throwing me under the bus, and blaming my show for his low ratings and seeing to it that my show got cancelled. But hey, that's how The Donald works, its not show-friends its show-business.
Now, barring another 2-person firing, tonight's episode won't be the last. So we have to consider who is in charge. Is it Martha? Or, is it the network? If it is the network, Martha will be forced to let one of the ladies go, and keep Jim. Why? Because Jim is an absolute nutcase, and probably good for ratings. Plus, they will want it to seem like women don't have the automatic inside track. However, if Martha is really in charge and really looking for someone to actually employ, then the final two will be Dawna and Bethenny. And by the way, what is with people and the unique name spellings? Please, parents, just stop that.
So I'll predict that Martha doesn't have the network by the balls since her ratings are in the tank and the Donald is breathing down her neck, and will be forced to keep the certifiable Jim around for the finale. It's a toss up between Dawna and Bethenny, but I am going to say she says goodbye to Dawna, leaving Huey and Duey to duke it out in the finale farce.
In the finale, Jim will once again create more uncomfortable and inappropriate moments than Steve Carell does in a season of "The Office." This will lead Martha to finally give Jim the send off. Her final letter to him will read as follows:
Dear Jim,
Thank you for taking part in this ill-fated season of Apprentice: Martha Stewart. I should have known that Donald would toss me under the bus, that spineless weasel. Let that be a professional lesson to you. You were certainly entertaining this season, but if you had been in the joint with me, I would have stuck a shiv in you the first night.
Best wishes in your future endeavors.
Martha Stewart
President, CEO, Overlord
Martha Stewart Omni-Global-Worldwide-Domination-Media-Enterprises-Worldwide
Now let's see, how about for next year, Apprentice: George Steinbrenner, or Apprentice: Bill Clinton. Those shows practically write themselves. Oh, wait, this is reality TV and these shows are obviously not scripted. Uh huh. Right.
Merry Martha Christmas to all and to all a goodnight.
Evan is a Web Designer and Corporate Training Specialist by day, and a Reality TV junky, author, and movie reviewer by night.
You can write to Evan at RealEvan@RealityTVCalendar.com
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