American Idol: It's Hollywood Hell Week Baby!
Episode 9 Recap by Erin Murphy
February 14, 2007
Tonight, 172 people will try to prove themselves to the judges in hopes of securing their place in the final 24… git er done! Ladies first, and I'm immediately reminded why women are terrifying. Yes, in fact, my own kind terrifies me on a daily basis. The claws come out as sneers spread across glossy plumped lips. Jory performs first and… okay wait, there's got to be a better way to do this.
Here goes:
First Group
Jory - Positive, she sings real good. Negative, she's dressed like Paula.
Geri - Positive, I like her highlights. Negative, she sounds like a transvestite.
Kelly - Positive, nice blazer. Negative, she looks confused.
Lisa - Positive, um. Negative, everything.
Christen - Positive, fake boobs are shiny and fun. Negative, she's tone deaf.
Jeromishia - Positive, golden pipes. Negative, outfit by DEB.
And the verdict - Simon says, "Girls, you're going home. YOU'RE GOING HOME. None of you are any good. It was an absolutely terrible start to the day, sorry. No originality. That's it." The crowd is stunned and now much more terrified than moments ago.
Second Group
Perla - Positive, a touch of Shakira. Negative, only a touch of Shakira.
Rachel - Positive, she's not wearing camouflage anymore. Negative, her voice wavers just enough to make her chances slim.
And the verdict - two girls are picked from the group of six. Rachel is going home and Perla is staying but Simon explains that her personality is far outweighing her vocal talents… she needs to work.
Third Group
Bailey - Positive, she's cute as a button and her vocals are reminiscent of Carrie Underwood. Negative, she's young and the pressure might be too much.
Apparently nobody else is worth watching because she's the only one featured and the only one who goes onto the next round.
Girls sing their hearts out and the judge's stomp on them as group by group they are sent home. Ashley, whose facial expressions almost prevented her from making it to Hollywood, is sent home when her performance leaves the judges unsatisfied. Porcelina who is likened to Rocky, having trained hard for year to lose weight for the competition, gives a "below average" performance and is dismissed. Sara who ran away from home to audition in New York fails to make it to the next round but finds happiness in knowing she's made her parents proud. Women sob, mascara runs, obscenities fly, and the last contestant of the day, Nicole, worries that choosing the wrong song could destroy her chances. She eventually goes with her mother's suggestion. Unfortunately, she should've gone with her own choice and makes sure to blame her mother entirely for her sullen performance. She's cut and it gets all kinds of ridiculous when her mother takes to the stage and pleads with the judges to give her daughter another chance. As my man would say, "C'MONNNNNNNNN." Simon curtly tells them that it wasn't the song, it was the voice that failed. They finally leave the stage and I cheer.
More women are chosen for the next round and cheers and screeches fill the Orpheum Theatre. One of my favorites, Melinda, who Simon had dubbed the best audition so far while in Memphis, celebrates her place in the next round. She'll go far, mark my word. Some girl from Birmingham named Jamie Lynn (the name feels so apropos) giggles and bounces with excitement having secured her spot in the next round. I bet she has an incredible chest, er I mean voice.
Its day two and now it's.....
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