But Can They Sing? Episode 6
It's Over And They Still Can't Sing
By Jillian Kuras
December 5, 2005
Welcome to the season finale of But Can They Sing? After last week's showdown between Carmine, Morgan and Michael, I predicted that Carmine would walk away with the title. Morgan has been my favorite since the beginning and Michael definitely wins the award for most improved. That all mean nothing though because all the young girls think Carmine is just so dreamy.
The first thing we see tonight is a recap of the last five episodes. We are given brief summarizes of each night including clips of the contestants who have been eliminated. Ahmet takes the stage next and he tells us that over 2 million votes were recorded over the past 5 weeks. Considering there was no time frame and you could vote online all the time, anytime, that sucks.
All nine contestants are now welcomed back to the stage to perform an All Star medley of Bohemian Rhapsody. Morgan and Michael definitely try their hardest and sound somewhat okay. Carmine sounds painfully horrible and he even shushes the audience at the end so they can hear his closing line. And he didn't even sing the line, he spoke it. The other contestants are basically background singers and nobody sounded good enough to mention.
After the song concludes, Ant says that he's not sure what Queen would have thought of that performance but that "this queen loved it!" Ant has been by far the most entertaining part of this show.
Ahmet next re-introduces us to Morgan and we see a fluff piece featuring her time on the show. Morgan appears to be the hardest working contestant by far and she definitely took all of her performances very seriously. We also see a little bit about the charity she will donate her prize money to if she wins- Doctors Without Borders.
After her clip, Morgan takes the stage to sing Heartbreaker. She looks as punk rock as she can for a woman her age and she really gets into the performance. Even though Morgan doesn't have much of range, what she does sing isn't nearly as far off tune as most of the other contestants.
Ant tells Morgan that she is a rocker, hot chick and that she is a "milf". No need to explain the meaning of that.
Now it's time for Michael's journey piece. Michael gives a lot of credit to the vocal coaches and even says that they "taught him how to sing". I wouldn't go that far, but as I said, he has improved since the first week. We also learn about his charity, The Shaken Baby Syndrome Alliance. Michael tells us that his adoptive brother was a victim of shaken baby syndrome so his family is very involved with this charity.
Tonight Michael is singing Blowing Me Up With Her Love. The song is pretty good for Michael and I would say there was an equal mix of bad notes and good notes. He also did a great job working the audience.
Ant tells Michael that he thinks Michael lied and said he couldn't sing so he could be a part of the show. He also says that he wants to see Michael in his dressing room after the show wearing his Power Ranger outfit. He then adds "go, go Michael Copon!"
Finally, it's time for Carmine. It's obvious after seeing clips of all Carmine's past performances that he is the worst singer of the three left. He's actually one of the worst of the entire top 9. Carmine also tells us that he is competing for The Make a Wish Foundation.
Tonight Carmine will be singing Gold Digger which is currently on the charts for Kayne West. I can't stand Kayne so hearing an out of tune version of an already painful song is more agonizing than I thought possible. Towards the middle of the song, 2 other guys come out to sing backup for Carmine. I have no clue who they are and Ahmet never tells us so I'm still not sure. I think Carmine has two brothers right? Maybe that's who they are. I'm not sure what they look like though so I could be wrong.
Ant tells Carmine that rap is his niche and that the girls love him.
The judges next give the three remaining contestants some positive words about their improvements throughout the series. Ahmet then delivers a little bit of sad news. Finishing in 3rd place is… Morgan Fairchild. No surprise there. I knew there was no way she could overtake the two young studs when preteen and teenage girls are probably the only ones who actually voted.
Before Ahmet announces the winner, Bai Ling is back to sing an encore performance of I Touch Myself. In true Bai Ling fashion, she performs the song in silver panties and bra. She started with some sort of a pink, chiffon shirt as well but lost it as soon as she could.
Ant runs over to Bai with his jacket and tells her to cover up because it's a family show. He also asks if she would like a stripper pole added to the stage.
Finally the time has come to announce the big winner. Winning this season's competition of But Can They Sing is…Carm… wait a minute! Ahmet just said Michael Copon! Michael Copon is the big winner! Holy moly, I'm shocked! Pleasantly shocked, but still shocked. Nice job America!
So that concludes the first season of But Can They Sing. I'm not sure if VH1 plans on doing another season. If they do, I have a suggestion. Either find at least a few celebrities who can actually carry a tune, or if you absolutely need to give us 9 tone deaf celebrities, can they at least be ones we've actually heard of? I'm not saying A-listers, I'd settle for B or even C list celebrities.
I don't think any of the 9 will go on after this show to have a career in the singing industry. Michael should just continue on with his acting and use his face time on the show in a positive way. Carmine should consider getting into acting or modeling. And he should do it soon before his 15 minutes of fame runs out.
Jillian is a 23 year old Dance Instructor from Massachusetts. Other than Reality TV, her favorite TV show is The OC. She can be emailed at Jillian@RealityTVCalendar.com
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