The Monastery: A Higher Level Of Virtue And Behavior
Episode 2 Recap by Logan Huffman
November 6, 2006
Here in a secluded New Mexico canyon, The Monastery of Christ in the Desert is home to 30 Benedictine Monks. Devoted only to God, these men have lived isolated from the outside world…until now. In an exceptional move, they've agreed to take part in a unique experiment for TLC. They've invited five men, each at a personal crossroads, to join the monastery for forty days and forty nights. The five men hope this monastic retreat will put their lives back on track. The monks believe it will.
Last week, the men were tested by the 1500 year-old rule of St. Benedict, which guides the monks. Its key values are humility, obedience, and silence. For Alex, all sense of peace was lost in Iraq when his left leg was shot off during fighting in Fallujah. Of all the men, Alex is struggling the most. Alex has found an ally in Jon. The brutal things Jon has seen as a paramedic has led him to a crisis of faith. He feels that something is missing from his life, and this is his last-ditch attempt to find God. Will has served time as a convicted drug trafficker. His life was torn apart when his younger brother, who followed him into gang life, was shot and killed by police. Physics major Warren is a devout Christian, using time off of college to explore his calling of becoming a priest. Living like a monk is hard enough for Warren, but he also has to deal with Jon's sharp edge. Tom had a promising career as a TV writer and director, until it was destroyed by alcoholism. He's at the monastery because he believes that without faith, his addictions will kill him.
It's day eight. Since they arrived, the men have been submerged into silent contemplation. Prayer pervades every part of monastic life. There are eight church services every day, beginning with vigils at 4 AM, followed by an hour-and-a-half of Lauds, then Mass, then a further hour of silent prayer. Prayer continues even during work. Each brother labors for the good of the community, and the work is done in silence. It's a demanding practice, but the monks believe that the quiet solitude leads to a deep self-knowledge, which ultimately brings them closer to God.
Brother Joseph Gabriel says that the monastery is designed for everyone as a way to confront their demons, and to confront the things deep inside them that they would rather not have to deal with. He adds that the silence and solitude brings everything to the forefront, and while it is very difficult and hard, it's also an opportunity.
Abbot Philip is sitting around the table with some of the men, but the camera is focused on Jon. He says that today, fewer and fewer people pray, and some don't even take the time to think about if there is a God and whether or not he has an effect of their lives. Will says that he thinks people pray, but at the wrong times, like he did on his court date, praying that he wouldn't be sent to jail for ten years, but he was, and he now realizes that he prayed too late. Abbot Philip says that when life is going great, people don't think they need God, and then when something goes wrong, they turn to God immediately. He adds that it is a human reaction that people will think of God in those times. He finishes up by saying that the point of their prayer is to turn to God at all times, and to make him a focal point of life.
But working silently is difficult for the men. They can't resist a little camaraderie. Tom and Jon are talking about women, and Jon doesn't like them (no, he's not gay). He has just been burned by an experience of being lied to, and he doesn't feel he can trust women. He says that his last girlfriend said that she loved him, but she was actually engaged to another man. He says that he's never told anyone that he loved them, except for sex, but it wasn't to get sex, it was during sex. Oh, okay, then it's fine. He says that those times don't count, because he didn't know what the hell he was saying.
Today is St. Valentine's Day, and the men's thoughts have turned to women. The men can call or e-mail home just once a week. Aside from that, they're cut off from the world. It's now Day 9, and Will says that he's not going to lie, he does miss the intimacy he has with his partner at home. He adds that he misses sharing a bed with her, and just cuddling up next to her and feeling the warmth. He says that he thinks he is handling it well, just as he handled it in prison, but he does miss the intimate conversations.
Abbot Philip says that there is a part of a man that is completed by a woman, but on the other hand, they have to hand it over and say that they will not be complete in this life, and the challenge is to focus all of their sexual energy into seeking God, so they become truly celibate to the core of their being. But obviously, all monks don't manage that all of the time. But if they are growing in their commitment, they begin to understand how all of their energies affect them, and they can better focus them for really good, positive things in the community. We get another quote from the Rule of St. Benedict, which is: "Let us open our eyes to the light that can change us into the likeness of God."
The monastery was founded in 1964, and at first, only three monks lived in tents until the monastery was built. Abbot Philip has now lived at the monastery for more than thirty years. Every day, the community eats together. They begin with a prayer of thanks, but for the rest of the meal, talking is not permitted. After nine days, it's getting to Tom. Tom says that he knows the rules, but he gets them confused. He adds that you can talk in some rooms, but only when the door is closed, and you can talk in other rooms only during certain hours, and there are so many rules, you have to pray just to understand them, or it may drive you crazy.
At the Christ of the Desert monastery, the five newcomers are having a hard time following the strict regime. It has been hardest on Alex. Last week, he repeatedly clashed with Brother Joseph Gabriel, the monastery's rule enforcer. Joseph Gabriel finally had enough of Alex refusing to stand in church. When Alex left the church abruptly, Joseph pulled him aside to reprimand him. Brother Joseph says that sometimes, things have to be imposed, as they don't always come in with a full appreciation of silence, but the only way you come to understand and value silence, is to be silent. He adds that they are often afraid to ask too much of people or to set their expectations too high, for fear that they will run away or not be able to do it. But, if they set the standard high and raise the bar, they might get a higher level of virtue and behavior instead of the least common denominator.
In a progress meeting, the monks discuss how the newcomers are coping. Philip says that Alex is still high-spirited, and that since he has just started, they cannot make the high-spirited person act so serious about the program right away, or it will not work. Philip asks the other monks to look at their own program, as he thinks they are getting really good insight on how to form people, and to push them in the right direction from the beginning.
The monks feel they are benefiting from the experience. It's a challenge to reach the men, each at their individual level, and Alex continues to push them. Alex is outside, talking to Will, and he tells him that if they show him respect, he'll show them respect in return, referencing when Brother Joseph came up to him and told him to not walk out of the church like he was walking out of a tavern. He says that approach won't get a good reaction out of him, but if they sit him down like a man and tell him what he is doing wrong, then he will consider working on it. Will says that the reality is that it is new for every single one of them, and it is all baby steps. Alex says that he can see how it might look to people as if he's not actually trying, but he is making a little progress here and there, and for someone to try to tell him that he needs to do certain things a certain way is difficult, as he's lived his life the same for twenty-three years, and after only six days there, he can't think like they think.
Abbot Philip says that a visitor once told him that a monastery was like a greenhouse, and he always thinks of Christmas flowers, as you grow them in a greenhouse so they will bloom before they are supposed to, like in a monastery, as you put pressures on the monk, so their spirituality will grow before it normally would.
During one of the church services, we can see Alex rolling his eyes and looking very uninvolved, but he is at least standing. The monks worship together at least five hours a day. St. Benedict's rule requires them to chant every single song, in order, every week. All 150 of them! Even Warren, who wants to be a priest, is overwhelmed. Warren says that to be perfectly blunt, this isn't how he would run a day. He adds that going through the song over and over and over again is extremely frustrating. Jon says that the songs they read make God out to be uncaring, and they make him seem like a "bipolar egomaniac", and when they talk about him, they say he is a perfect embodiment of love, but Jon says that the songs say otherwise. Warren says that while the songs may be beautiful, he would rather talk to God.
Tom is meeting with Brother Joseph Gabriel, and he doesn't understand how doing chants for four hours a day can bring you closer to God. Joseph says that sometimes, it is difficult when you force yourself, and sometimes on the feeling level, you wish you didn't have to do this, but it expresses in some concrete way a belief that is really ineffable, but they give them little glimpses and express in ways that they can understand. He adds that it's like sports to him, as you go to a football game, and he thinks it is very liturgical, with the opening processions and cheering, and it is a real celebration, which is what liturgy is all about, somehow trying to concretize and express really deep feelings. Tom finally says that he should think of the chants as God's football game, and Brother Joseph says that he's right. Did you all catch all of that, or are you really lost in confusion?
A monk's life is to serve God, and each other, with humility and obedience. Ongoing conflicts that disturb the balance can break down the community. Sometimes, the Abbot needs to intervene. Abbot Philip says that he was asking everyone if they had any conflict with others like Alex has with Brother Joseph. Alex says that life is full of conflicts everywhere. Abbot Philip says that in their life, you have to work through it so you can co-exist peacefully, but he says that you learn more from those you clash with than those you get along with. Alex says that he's not going to search for the good in someone he dislikes already. Tom tells us that Brother Joseph is pissing a lot of people off, and he thinks that heads are going to roll, with the first head being Alex's, but he thinks Alex will kick right back.
It's day eight, at 10 PM, and just like every evening, the monks return to their cells to resume their search for inner-peace and God in solitude. Visitors are not allowed. Neither is stealing from the monks. Jon and Alex have taken beer from the monks, and are also together, instead of separate, as they should be. Alex says that every time he is pulled aside and thinks he is going to be in trouble, he never is. He says that anytime in his whole life that an authority figure pulls him aside, he usually gets scolded, but this is different.
The next morning, it is snowing at the monastery, and although the monks aren't aware of the stolen beer, they all notice when Alex doesn't show up at church in the morning. Tom says that Alex has been keeping him updated regularly at how he has been getting drunk every night, and the way Alex was telling him, it was like a recon mission. Tom adds that he thinks someone was doing it with Alex, but he's not sure. He says that Alex was very excited and proud, and says that it took him forty minutes and he nearly got caught three times, and that it was a pure adrenaline rush, which was more exciting than the liquor itself. Tom says that he doesn't blame him, as during his drinking point in his life, he would have done the same thing, and he certainly doesn't envy him, as he thinks it is a miserable place to get drunk.
Alex has finally arrived at the church, where another chant is taking place. When a monk becomes a distraction to the community, it is up to the Abbot's skill to shepherd him back into line with the rest of the flock. Brother Bernard says that despite some difficulties with the Abbot, he has always been very supportive and kind to him, and even if he doesn't want to admit it, he does appreciate it. He adds that a good Abbot is one who is able to realize his own limitations and problems, and not be freaked out by them, and therefore try not to be over-controlling, but to lead them all together, even when they are all in different stages of growth, and he certainly wouldn't want the job.
Another line from the Rule of St. Benedict is shown, this time reading: "The abbot…must vary with circumstances…stern as a taskmaster, devoted and tender as only a father can be." During a meeting, Abbot Philip tells the men that they are in their eleventh day, and they have all settled in now, and they all now know that they aren't super people, just ordinary men trying to live this lifestyle. He continues, saying that when they all came, they promised to obey him, and last night in his room, he could hear Alex talking, and he wants to know if he had a guest. While Jon sits, looking shameful and guilty, Alex lies, saying he was talking to the camera. Philip Abbot says that the conversation went on late, and this morning, Alex didn't even get up on time. The Abbot says that this happens to monks as well, and it isn't a reprimand, but they have to be accountable, and live how they came to, because they can't see how a monastic lifestyle will affect someone if they don't do it. Philip adds that they also have to admit what they are struggling with, because the Abbot can't come and always ferret it out, or they become like a zookeeper. He finishes it up by saying that they need to be honest with the Abbot.
Brother Joseph Gabriel says that he thinks Alex knows what it's like to be in war fare, and to be a casualty of battle, but the interior landscape of a spiritual journey is also like a battlefield, as you have to be willing not only to give your leg, but your life as well, as they were reminded in this morning's gospel. He adds that unless you are willing to be the seed that dies, you are just a seed, and he doesn't think Alex understands that yet.
On day 12, we learn that at Christ in the Desert monastery, conflict is seen as an opportunity for growth. With this in mind, the Abbot has asked Brother Joseph Gabriel to spend time with Alex baking bread for the community. Brother Joseph asks Alex if he has much experience in the kitchen, and Alex replies that he only has experience with the barbecue. He adds that he did take the advanced foods class in high school, but only for the ladies. Brother Joseph doesn't really know what to say to that. Alex asks Joseph if he's ever heard of antiquing somebody, which is throwing flour on their face while they are sleeping. Joseph has never heard of that. Alex asks if it is time for their hour break, and while it is, Joseph thought that they could have a chat during that time.
Abbot Philip asks how you get a twenty year old who comes into the monastery to start thinking seriously about life, and that part of maturity is having a conflict and learning how to deal with it. He adds that the Brother have conflicts as well, as they come in and say that they fought with so and so, and that they aren't going to talk to them anymore (which probably wouldn't be too hard with all of the silence), but the Abbot tells them that they can't do that.
During their chat, Joseph asks Alex why he came and what he hopes to really gain out of the experience. He says that he doesn't really know, maybe just a story to tell. Joseph says that's fine, but now that he is there, can he try to identify what he wants to go away with, or does he just want to float and get through the entire experience. Alex says that as of now, he just wants to get through it, as telling him to do things just because everyone else does them doesn't make any sense to him. He adds that in church, all of the songs sound the same to him, and he doesn't really feel like he's learning anything about religion, which is what he thought it would be, telling and hearing stories and things like that. He says that he also doesn't get the part about reflecting and learning about himself. Joseph tells him that he's not doing what everyone else is, and Alex asks what difference it will make if he bows when everyone else does. Joseph says that he will never know what difference it will make if he doesn't do it, and he says that it will transform him. Alex asks if the only thing they are asking him to do is sing and bow, and Joseph says that those aren't the only things, and tells him to try and take the silence seriously and try to participate in the liturgy, and he says that the first step in getting the inner things to click is maybe going through the exterior things. He tells him to just try it.
At the end of the meeting, Alex has gone outside, and he says that he still thinks Joseph is an assh*le, and that isn't going to change, as the instant someone shows him disrespect, it's hard to change his mind, and things aren't going to change just because they sat down and talked. Joseph is still hoping that if Alex takes the experience more seriously, he will encounter the God that he is not sure is even there, and once that happens, he will be open and a different person when he leaves than he was when he came.
It is now day 13, and Alex has had time to reflect in his cell. Alex says that he did spend some time with the "Noise Nazi", and he admits that he isn't that bad of a guy. He says that he seems like a very wise individual, and he thinks he said some things when he was sitting with him that wasn't how he truly felt, but when someone of authority sits down with him, he goes on the defensive, and he says that when he said he wasn't really going to get anything out of this, it wasn't how he really felt at all. He adds that he has been acting like a little punk that thinks he can't be taught sh*t, and that authority figures usually just criticize, but maybe the monks are actually out to help him.
After two weeks at the monastery, Brother Joseph Gabriel has made a breakthrough with Alex, but the Abbot is still worried about Jon, who seems lost. Philip says that Jon still seems distant and extremely uneasy making a commitment, and he's not made a commitment to faith either, and he's not going to say that he's dumped it entirely until someone tells him to either be for or against God. He adds that people are quick to say I love you, but they come to find out that their friend or the person they married isn't as great as they thought, and that's when you usually have to delve deeper into the relationships, whereas Jon always backs out, so they have to learn to help him push forward.
He tells Jon that some days, he sees him totally involved, while other days, he practically disappears, and he tells him to either throw God out of his life and keep living on what good values he has, or move forward in his search for faith. Jon says that he has to choose whether to believe in God or not, but asks if he will have to go to church anymore. Maybe he just answered the question. The Abbot doesn't take him seriously, and laughs. Jon says that he doesn't see the point of staying at the monastery. The Abbot tells him that the point of staying is to see what he can learn from the situation, because there is still value in any good life, and it isn't all lost just because he doesn't believe in God. Jon says that the Abbot told him that he either needs to have faith in God, or not to have faith, and he feels like he's at a dead end, as he though they might have some good answers here, but they fell short, and he is stuck with a forty day prison sentence.
Every morning before work, the men are allowed fifteen minutes to talk before work without breaking the code of silence. This time, Jon has something to tell everyone. Jon tells them that he is debating leaving the monastery. Tom tells him that he obviously has things he wants to talk about and discuss, and encourages him to interrupt their classes and talk about them. Jon says that he came to find faith, and he was told yesterday that he either believes or he doesn't believe, and not to waffle. Warren tells him that he thinks he missed the point, explaining that he should examine himself and determine whether he believes or not at the moment, but not to leave the exercise, as he said that he came to see if he could find faith, and he has to start somewhere. Tom adds that he will never have this opportunity again.
Tom tells us that they found out this morning that Jon wants to leave, and he keeps thinking that Jon is an ex-Marine, paramedic, and fireman, and if he can't hack it for forty days, how is he supposed to. Alex says that he doesn't want Jon to leave, because Jon is his buddy. Will says that he is always skeptical of Jon at first, because he is unsure if Jon is just trying to get the attention moved onto himself. Warren says that Jon holds his life and this experience in the grip of a closed hand, signifying not believing in God, as opposed to holding the experience with an open hand.
Brother Joseph Gabriel and Jon go for a walk, allowing Joseph to discuss Jon's dilemma with him. Jon says that he came trying to find faith, and it is still hard to just accept. Joseph says that the whole issue about suffering in the world is not understandable to him either, sometimes, but the experience he told him that the woman came to the monastery who's husband had killed their three children is unbelievable to him that she is able to cope, but it doesn't shake his faith in God, just his faith in man. He adds that it is a lifelong quest, as it should be, as he thinks it is much more interesting to wrestle with things as they come along, using prayer and giving God every thing, even telling him that you're pissed of about human suffering or whatever the issue may be, and through all of that, they all hope to hear from God that he still loves them and invites them, which is a lifelong challenge for them all.
On day 17, all of the men are at the church service, and yesterday, Jon told Brother Joseph Gabriel that he wanted to leave, and today, he has made his decision. Jon says that he went to talk to Joseph, and he says that he had so much passion when he talked, and since his is normally the strict disciplinarian, you miss the emotional side that he has, and when he was talking, he really hooked Jon into it. Jon adds that it is a leap of faith, and while he isn't ready to make that leap, he is going to stay for the whole time to see how things go. To Jon and Alex, the gentle respect of the brothers seems to have made a difference.
At a quick meeting, Abbot Philip asks them for a quick recap of where they are, and he will talk personally in more detail with them later. Alex admits that he hasn't been completely honest, and they found a loophole in the monk security system and exploited it, acquiring some alcohol, and Jon says that they haven't grown, that they've actually regressed. Philip says that in this kind of teaching, that isn't necessarily regressive, since they have learned to be honest, and he thanks them for their honesty. Tom says that there are only two types of people who would break in through a sky light and steal liquor from a monastery, and they would have to either be an alcoholic or a Marine. Will says that they didn't even have to say anything, as no one knew and they hadn't been caught, but that honesty was a big step for both of them, which Will appreciates, and he knows it wasn't easy for them, but it makes him feel like he's doing the right thing by being there.
The Abbot calls Jon and Alex into his office. He says that he sees no evil in their actions, just mischief, and as most of the monks know, he himself was very much like that as a young monk, so he can admire it, but they have to learn to focus that in a beneficial way. He says that they have forged a bond by being able to be mischievous together, and it isn't the end of the world, and good bonds like that often make good friendships, but they have to learn to do other good things as well. He tells Jon that Alex is mischievous by nature, while Jon is mischievous by association, and Jon needs to learn it more by nature, so he can have a good time with the experience and be able to ask himself what he really needs to know, and that he can say that he doesn't believe in penance for fun. Alex says that Abbot Philip sees a lot of energy in them that he is trying to focus, which will be quite the challenge, but focusing it into something good will be one hell of a deal.
Now that both men's conscious has been cleared, Alex and Jon now can clean their cells. Jon says that it is like Shangri-La, and they are some of the nicest people he has ever met, but why should he start trusting people there, and then be the f**king hillbilly moron that gets screwed the next time for being trustworthy. Tom says that Jon and Alex confessed today, which was their punishment for apologizing, which made him a little jealous, with all of the trouble he's gotten into with his drinking. Warren says that the best way to deal with things is to make the person want to do the right thing, instead of being afraid of what will happen if they don't. Will says that they are there for only a short period of time, but if they learn just a little bit of the importance of discipline and obedience, they will leave better people doing good things for the rest of their lives. And that ends this episode of 'The Monastery'!
Next time, the men have to carry a giant cross up a hill, and Alex says that God made them all for a reason, and he made Alex a f**king bastard who could do all of his dirty work in Iraq. Abbot Philip says that someone wants a response for them, and when they don't get it, everything goes wrong. Alex apparently didn't learn his lesson, and gets drunk again, and the Abbot tells most likely Alex that he shouldn't have done it. Tom is crying, while Warren says that he is a little angry at the Abbot for asking him to do something, which may be having all of his hair shaved off, as we get a quick glimpse of him getting his head shaved. Jon says that he feels like he failed, while Tom makes a revelation, which Brother Joseph Gabriel asks him what he plans to do about it. Sounds action packed, and I'll be back to recap it for you. Until then, everyone!
Logan is a North Carolina native whose hobbies include a passion for reality shows, hiking, and Mocha Frappucinos. He can be contacted at Logan@RealityTVCalendar.com
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