The Bachelor 11: The Post Mortem- Brad: Fact Or Fiction? Commentary by Peter Andrew Sacco Ph.D. November 21, 2007
First of all, I must say…I have been a therapist who has conducted couples counseling, family counseling and facilitated separation/divorce support groups. I have never been a part of a session or intervention for that matter which made me feel both uncomfortable and confused. This "after the final rose" session left me even more confused.
If you recall in yesterday's column I provided possibilities for Brad's reasoning in not selecting either woman. According to Brad, I guess you can choose from any one of them or pick all of the above! I don't understand his rhyme or reason for arriving at his final conclusion other than he wasn't ready to settle down, and perhaps participated in this series on a whim. Brad asserts he must feel 100% about a woman before he commits his heart to her. Well, I would imagine playing a "dating game" for 6 weeks with 25 women is not going to allow anyone to know 100% what the hell they are doing when it comes to commitment or love.
Unless you live in a country where polygamy and harems are the norm, I don't think the law of averages points to one finding their soul mate, beyond a shadow of a doubt, with 100% certainty on The Bachelor. And Brad's approach is one based on the premise of all or nothing-I need to be in love with you for sure and feel 100% certain, or we can't tango! What about starting out with a waltz first Brad?
Wasn't it Elvis who best put it when he said "Fools Rush In"? Brad could learn a heck of a lot from the two ladies he passed on in the end. Both of them got it. Both of them agreed that just because you don't marry someone after 6 weeks doesn't mean you can't date them, learn about them, develop feelings and learn to love them. Having written several books on love and dating, I would surmise from my research and experiences that these are the types of relationships that endure. True love flourishes from them.
The "stump the panel" statement made by Brad left me confused along with others. He claimed that for the last 2 ˝ months he can't stop thinking about DeAnna. This coming from the same man who claimed he didn't have those feelings for her. This would lead me to think that if you think about someone everyday, all of the time that perhaps you might love them, no? From the duration of Brad's "thinking about DeAnna" it would lead me to believe he's got more in his heart for her than a peptic ulcer has toward indigestion! Then again…is Brad just saying this? Is this Brad's way of letting DeAnna down easier? For crying out loud, being told you are thought of everyday doesn't cut it as a formidable consolation prize when it comes to love. Brad had other slippery "outs" which made me wonder how authentic he was with both ladies. As a matter of fact, see my previous column and I called it on the notion that when he was with one, he would think about the other and vice versa and how he would use this as leverage to not pick either.
I would like to say that Brad can't be blamed for what he did. I am not taking his side. As a matter of fact, I have the highest regard for both Jenni and DeAnna and they are the ultimate catches! They are sweethearts! With that said, they part-took in a "dating game" with Brad. Note: GAME! In every game there is always a winner and a loser. When it comes to love, it shouldn't be a game. When it comes to games involving love, people get hurt. I hope Jenni and DeAnna have had enough people to give them hugs because they can both use them right about now. And to Jenni, I offer you a warm spiritual hug to offer my condolences to your grandma. She was a lovely lady who made me laugh!
Yesterday, I provided.....
Peter Andrew Sacco is an established author. His self-help books Why Women Want What They Can't Have and What's Your Anger Type? have become very popular sellers in the USA and Canada.
His new book Fast Food Dating Your 2 Cents is out in bookstores now and can be purchased from amazon.com by clicking on the box to the left.
Sacco is a former television talk show host and current Editor-in-Chief of Vices Magazine. He is also an established professor and international lecturer.
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