Bonaduci, Fights, Forgiveness & Fairplay Fox's 2nd Annual Reality Really Awards Show
Commentary by Cindy Rutolo Dietrich October 16, 2007
They presented Best Showmance. BB8's Daniele and Nick were nominated, as
were a dozen others. But this is the category Eric & Jessica won. It was
a tie though between them and Boogie and Dr. Will.
Those guys are doing great apparently. I caught a quick clip latter,
online. Dr. Will & Boogie were doing their ring, ring, telephone thing.
They were famous for it on the show.
When Will asks Boogie how he's been doing, Boogie says he has the
hottest club in L.A. And, he says, I charged Fox Reality $35,000.00 to
hold the Fox Reality Really Award Ceremony, and Party at his club
tonight.
Then, they laugh. You remember that laugh? Looks like they're still
having the last laugh, and raking in tons of dough.
Nick and Daniele - looking cozily comfy, she was on his lap, -were asked
their opinion about this year's Showmance winners. Daniele thought the
Will & Boogie thing was a laugh.
Nick said "Personally, I didn't want to be remembered for Best
Showmance. Because it's a romance. And you can take that one to the
bank." They are all over each other through out the show. But in the
most in-love-with-each-other-way.
I kept trying to figure out if the whole cast from the BB8 jury was
there. I only saw E.D., Daniele, Eric, Jess, Jen, Amber, and Zack. Latter
I saw Jameka.
It was good to see Marcellas Reynolds from Big Brother All-Stars. He was
a presenter. He looked fabulous and fit. He looked famous. He said he
was presenting the nominees for "Favorite Loser" because "I'm America's
black, gay, sweetheart. But unfortunately all the other house guests
hate me."
I don't think I would have been as thrilled as "American Idol's," pretty
boy, Sanjaya Malakar, seemed about winning an award called Favorite
Loser. "This is the best thing I've ever gotten from losing something.
So, I'm happy."
"As many of you know, the big twist in the Big Brother house this summer
was America's Player." Kennedy says, walking towards him.
"He happens to be sitting right here. Now Eric, America asked me to give
you this. You have one more set of instructions."
"Oh. let's hope they don't screw me again." Eric says.
E.D. covers his mouth in dismay, initially as this thing begins. For
the first time I can see the seating arrangements more clearly than
before. They're sitting in a row. Like in a movie theater. A black
haired beauty, E.D., and Daniele are sitting in front of Eric, Jessica,
and Amber. I don't see Jameka yet. But I latter realize she's sitting
next to Amber.
It's the first time I realize that Nick's there. It looks like Daniele's
perched lovingly on his lap. E.D.'s next to Daniele. His
girlfriend/date's? on the other side of him, on the end. And although I
can't see him, I think Zack's sitting next to Nick.
"Yikes! I see the word, Dick. It can't be good." Eric says. E.D.'s
head's down. He's holding onto Daniele for support. His date's holding
onto him.
"It's going to be good." Kennedy says. Something tells me she's not a
big E.D. fan.
Eric reads his edict aloud, in exactly the very same way he used to read
them during diary room scenes. "America voted for Eric to Smother Evel
Dick with Kisses. Well, I'll listen America," he says. "I would have
liked it to be Jessica. But I see what you're doing here. I'm going to
do the best I can for you. And low and behold, here he is."
He's saying this really loud, even though he's holding a hand mic. Then
again, he's been put on the spot. He's trying to be a good sport.
Just as Eric rises to comply, E.D. rushes round to his side. E.D.'s the
one who smothers Eric with kisses. Kennedy-squeals, and runs the other
way. She wasn't expecting E.D. to make this play. I think she she might
be a Jen friend. At least that's the vibe I had when she introduced her
earlier. Kennedy's quickly recovers.
"Hey, is that an evil dick in your pocket? Or are you just happy to see
Eric." She quips.
It throws E.D. off. He mumbles something about Eric being a puppet. Or
maybe he said muppet? Then Eric bounces up and gives E.D. a good
spirited kiss.
They cut to a quick interview clip between backstage correspondent,
Amanda Avila and Favorite Villain winner, Evel Dick. He looks slightly
irritated. Like he feels tragically misunderstood. Like he's wondering,
why can't they leave this evil business alone? Can't they see I'm an
innocent man? Don't they understand that if he's picked on someone,
it's only because they've forced his hand?
She asks "Now you're known as being a little evil." E.D.'s holding up
thumb and forefinger - to show how really little. "But in real life, you
can tell America, are you really as evil as they say you are?"
She's obviously never seen the show. That's the immediate feeling I had
in my bones.
Then again, the truth is probably more complicated than TV. time allows
for. E.D.'s not really an evil man. He played the part well though.
He answers honestly. "I'm just as much of an Ass in real life as I am on
the show."
Kennedy says "To present the Realitini for America's Favorite Reality
TV. Show - we have, from Big Brother, America's Player, Eric Stein. And
Denmark's player, Bridgette Nelson."
She towers over Eric. "Say something Eric," Bridgette demands. I keep
remembering her brief marriage to the current Governor of California.
"Eric seems unafraid. In fact all of my BB people seem brave on the
stage. They all seem far braver than me.
"Reality TV is great." Eric says, "After all, I got involved in an
incredible Showmance."
"Would you be up for an award -mance?" Bridgette asks Eric. He looks
like a son, or someone she could fit in her pocket.
The nominees for America's Favorite Reality Show were: Survivor, Dancing
With the Stars, American Idol, America's Got Talent, Big Brother 8, and
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. The BB8 clip showed E.D. picking on Jen
and calling Dustin a Princess. That's when I realized I hadn't seen
Dustin there. Maybe he was there. But if he was, I missed it.
American Idol won the award. Simon et. al., aren't in attendance. They
show a clip of them accepting the award. Simon says Thank You. Says the
award really means allot to all of them. Then he claims it for his own.
He's mostly kidding though. He says "whoever made what is possibly the
worst looking trophy, which is also made of plastic, we'd like one made
in metal, please.
I forgot to mention that the trophies look look large martini glasses.
"Evel Dick talks to the hand. And not very nicely." They said, showing
the now infamous cigarette clip. Evel Dick & Jen were up for Favorite
Fight.
I caught a glimpse of Jen's eye's glittering, maybe with hurt, maybe
with anger? I don't care how often they replay the scene. They're
wearing us down. Desensitizing us, by replaying the scene. Doesn't
matter. It always will sting. And, it should. Still, I kinda really
wanted them to win. Yet, I would have hated them winning for this.
Didn't matter.
In the end, the girls from "Charm School" won it.
Daniele presented the award for Favorite Moment of Prayer. "When I was
in BB I felt like I was in the 700 Club. Someone was always either
crying or praying." She said.
"I just want to thank God, obviously." Jameka said thanking "all my
supporters who had my back through out this whole experience."
I'm glad Jameka won. Her prayers always felt more sincere. Amber's felt
more- made for TV.
The Bonaduci Smack Down/ Crackdown.
Of course the biggest moment of the night had to do with a fight. It
was a scene they previewed, and replayed before every other segment all
night. I kept waiting for it to happen. They promo- ed it for hours. It
was the big Bonaduci Smack down. Crack. Down came Jonny Fairplay onto
the floor. Blood and teeth were spilled. Jonny Fairplay swore.
E.D. seemed to really like him too.
First Danny Bonaduci from "Breaking Bonaduci" was introduced. He arrived
on stage with Elvira. I've never seen his show. It sounds so awful. I
don't really want to know how bad his life is in real life. He seems
like a troubled, angry soul. Unfortunately he proves that's true on this
reality award show
Then, Kennedy announced last year's Golden Realitini winner. "You loved
to hate him on Survivor's Pearl Islands, And, hated that you loved him
on Kill Reality. Please welcome Jonny Fairplay."
E.D. clapped loudly when Jonny took the stage. Others, not so much.
Maybe they're friends, I thought, or kindred spirits. Jonny says, "Give
it up for Evel Dick."
After that, things went all wrong.
We were almost at the end of this hour and a half reality show. It's the
first time that this Reality Awards Show starts to feel real. Jonny
notices that they're booing.
"Wow. Are you guys really Booing?" He asks. I realize that they're
throwing things too. Wonder, what did I miss? He'd just said that this
award was the most important one because it was voted on by the public.
I thought they were booing cause he'd gotten that wrong. I think I was
wrong.
Bonaduci comes out and says, "They're booing cause they hate you." Then
he struts away. Like he's all bad.
Jonny Fairplay seems loaded and playful.
He seems to think this is a game. It may even have been staged.
All I know is - it went wrong.
Fairplay's a small guy. Blond. Petite. Seems, fragile. He's smiling. He
seems harmless, to me. Plus, he also seemed high.
But then Fairplay threw himself awkwardly into Danny's arms. Bonaduci
stood still. Then he flung Jonny off like a fly. Fairplay fell hard,
face first on the stage.
Bonaduci actually pushed him up and over his head, backwards; like you'd
throw someone in a pool. Only they weren't in water. So Jonny fell splat
on his face.
Now, everyone's booing Danny, who's shaking his head and mouthing - "Not
my fault."
Next Alexis Arquett, from Surreal Life, now a beautiful, blond 'tranny,'
her word, not mine, is out on stage. Because things have suddenly gotten
very confusing.
Back stage they're trying to determine how badly Jonny is hurt. He
doesn't want to answer their questions. "Dude, I'm f** fine. I just want
my f**** tooth in my mouth. F** go away." Jonny Fairplay says.
"Don't talk to me like that. all right." The medic says. "I've got to
ask you these questions, so I know where you're at."
"Are you kidding me? Look at this!" Jonny shows him a bloody mouth of
missing teeth. Yells, "Where's my f*** tooth? I want my tooth!"
"Alexis is bringing it for you." Someone tries to reassure him.
Meanwhile Alexis is alone on stage trying to fix what remains of the
reality show. Kennedy's gone. But Alexis's amazing. She made quips like
"How about Kennedy? Where's a grassy knoll when you need one?"
She said, "We don't appreciate violence in our reality do we? So we all
have our prayers for Jonny Fairplay, that he didn't lose a tooth due to
Danny Bonaduci's alcoholic rage." She says this, as they repeatedly show
a shot of the bloody tooth lying on the stage.
E.D. told someone, at the end of the show, that Jonny Fairplay had in
fact mentioned jumping into his arms. "Make sure you catch me," he'd
said. He jumped into the wrong person's arms.
E.D. said, looking truly regretful about this.
Finally, Alexis just reads Jonny's notes 'cause Kennedy's gone. She's
out there alone. There's turmoil and ambulances and chaos backstage.
Alexis carries on anyway. Presents the last award.
"The winner's someone who's captured the heart of America. They're the
person we look forward all week to seeing. This Golden Realitini Award
represents America's love for the person themselves."
That's when I realized I'd have to watch E.D. get the ultimate award. I
started wishing I hadn't watched this reality award show at all.
When Evel Dick won "Reality Performer of the Year." I wondered, where's
the karma?
When's it gonna hit? When's he gonna get it?
On his way up to the stage he runs into Daniele. Daniele has her arms
flung wide. She gives him a very big hug. I start thinking, maybe I've
been wrong. Maybe they have repaired what was wrong. I hope so. I do.
My blessings and prayers go to all of them. I hope the best for them. I
was even a little proud too.
Love them, or hate them. I did both. Especially E.D. He was such a
polarizing figure to me. But I did like him when he was sweet. So,
despite them, and myself, I enjoyed seeing them again.
The reception for E.D., and his award though, is completely skewered by
backstage coverage of Jonny Fairplay throwing something at someone. And
a woman's repeatedly saying, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
Meanwhile E.D.'s up on stage.
Daniele's bouncing up and down. Bouncing all around. Happy right out
loud, right on the stage.
"And everyone keeps asking if me and my daughter are still friends, and
getting along well." He laughs.
"We don't talk any more." Daniele kids, happily.
They really now do look like a pretty, happy family.
She's laughing. She's hugging him. It's touching. She keeps bouncing all
around.
Of course E.D. still says this:
"I guess it does pay off to be an asshole. $500.00.00 worth. And, a
Golden Martini.
Thank you very much, to everyone who voted. I really do appreciate it.
Thank you again. It does pay to be an asshole."
But, Daniele is standing right there with him.
She's beaming.
She's happy.
She's clasping her hands.
She seems so very proud.
I suddenly realize that I'm happy, that they're happy. I am. This show
actually gave me some kind of weird kind of closure.
I realize it again. I let it sink in.
I'm happy they're happy. I am.
The show actually ended with more ugly drama-outside. But I'm gonna end
it, inside with a happy Father and a lovingly proud Daughter, who's
lucky enough to be in love too.
Right now, they've got it all, these lucky two.
It's kind of nice to see that.
There's been enough upset.
I suddenly realize that I can forgive them. I can let go of my anger. I
can.
That means I can enjoy watching them win.
I can be happy, for their happiness.
I can.
And, I find that I actually am too.
Cindy Rutolo Dietrich is an entertainment writer, reviewer, rock journalist, poet, hotel reviewer, pianist, singer, songwriting artist from Pennsylvania.
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