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Big Brother: Make Am-Eric-A's Hatchling Target Self
Report and Commentary by Emma Brand
Warning: Contains Spoilers
July 13, 2007
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To make room for more substance, there are several aspects of the eviction show that no one would probably miss. The first is the interview portions with Julie Chen that happen before the eviction. Bless her heart. I'm happy about her having a job and all, but I think the producers missed the boat in more ways than one having America's Player. They should have had America's host. Stick with me here. We could have voted on the questions Julie should ask. People she had to pick on. Things she would have to say to the players. We could have voted whether or not she could feed valuable information or even false information to the HOH in the interview she does with him or her. Then, we could get our questions answered! Think about it. Instead of the ridiculously obvious question of, "Dick, how has it been to spend time with your daughter?" We could have had America's Question, "Seriously, Nick, straight or gay?" Or "Jessica, why do you speak in a tone of voice only audible to dogs?" We don't have to stop there. We would vote on the questions asked in the HOH competition on as well. As a result, we could have a lot more of the "Who would cheat? Joe or Dustin?" questions and less of the "Who would help an old lady cross the street?" questions. These are opportunities that were missed, people.
Another thing I would do if I were running Big Brother: I would start doing different tallies of things that are common. This would be feasible if I had a bunch of interns at my disposal (as I most certainly would if I was actually running Big Brother), but so far I have come up with at least a couple of categories. First, the Worthless Tears I talked about in the last episode. I would definitely give Jen 10 points in that category for her crying jag after seeing her picture on the wall. She was so worried about it that she even put a potholder over it so people wouldn't see it. So far, the tears have been minimal this season, but give somebody two weeks in a row on the slop and I predict this could turn into quite the race.
Another tally I would keep would be misused words in the Diary Room. Last episode we had Kail use "Scotch-Free" instead of the correct scot-free. Then Dustin said "copa-stetic" instead of the actual English word, copasetic. Tonight in the first twenty minutes of the show, Joe says he is "weary of keeping Amber." Not leery of keeping her. No, he isn't nervous about it. He is weary- tired of it. After only ten days he's tired? Wrong. This message was brought to you by the grammar police.
The human interest and interview portion of the show is another waste of time. It is probably an attempt by CBS to show us something that the eyes and ears of the 24-hour feed cannot catch. If the sections were more interesting, maybe I wouldn't be so jealous of the time they spend on it. President Emma would put these as links on the CBS website that visitors could go watch these on their own time. Please don't waste episode time. My level of interest would be higher, say, if I was being held hostage by my job in a cubicle on a Friday morning with access to only my computer and not 250 other channels plus DVR. Just a thought.
And if I may spend another moment on Eric: What is going on with the raised eyebrow every thirty seconds? He may have some sort of problem there. He is constantly giving me the same look as my math teacher in junior high when I forgot my homework. It makes me nervous.
Despite the obvious editing to try to give some suspense, I knew when they didn't show the voting that Carol was a dead woman walking. At the end of the day, the girl from Kansas was voted out, but the Kansas hairstyle lived on. Amber has some serious "stuck in the eighties at a redneck skating rink" vibe going on. I wish that we had made Am-Eric-A vote for Amber just to throw some gas on the fire. I can see that the twist could become a lot more interesting if the little weasel ever gets into an alliance; in which case, I will spend a week's paycheck on premium text messaging fees for him to go against what they tell him to do.
Looking forward to the week ahead, I have some questions. First, what ridiculous task will Am-Eric-A get to do this week? Will he have to leave the eggs or the bacon in the frying pan after breakfast? (In Julie Chen voice): "If you want him to leave the eggs, text A to "Bad Idea" if you want bacon, text B to "Bad Idea." (End Julie Chen voice). The second question, which of her gigolos will Mrs. Robinson send to make sure that Jen doesn't nominate one or even two from her alliance? Can Jessica speak in a higher-toned voice? My final question: In getting Am-Eric-A to target someone, how come we can't get Am-Eric-A to target himself in getting put up? Find out the answers to these burning questions and more, this week on Big Brother 8!
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Emma Brand is a reality television addict from the South, who thinks that the only bad television is no television. She would love feedback. Her email is sweepthelegjohnny15@gmail.com
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