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Dancing With The Stars 8: Injuries Cannot Defeat a Scorned Woman!
Commentary and Rankings by RTVC Staff Writer Joseph Braverman
April 29, 2009
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Whew, what a week it was on Dancing With the Stars. From the minute I saw Tony Dovoloni walk down the stairs without Melissa at his side on performance night, my heart sunk immediately, and a feeling of dread consumed my body. Was this it for my favorite contestant? Thankfully, Melissa had suffered an injury that was recoverable, but the cost of which may have made for quite a few tears come results night. Melissa, don’t ever pull a stunt like that again, literally!
When I saw that for a third week in a row, no one tripped on the staircase, I had a feeling performance night was going to be a rough night that would be hard for me to watch. I was right. I must say, aside from Team Tango and Lil’ Kim and Derek’s standard yet dynamic Paso Doble, I was disappointed with many of the stars.
First off was Gilles, and I thought, ok maybe Gilles can work this out and pull off a very respectable lindy hop that would compliment his stellar latin routines. I have to say, I was terribly disappointed. First off, it was too comical, which is usually meant for theatrical and awful dancers to employ. Secondly, Gilles performed lazily, with the kicks and lifts moving almost in slow motion. To my complete shock, the judges universally praised Gille’s lindy hop, and I sat aghast. Are you freaking kidding me? You are telling me that this lazy routine, with uncoordinated flips and lifts, and a terrible comic theme behind it actually worked? I’m starting to think that maybe fans should be guest judges from now on.
It only got worse from there on folks. Shawn and Mark for instance, who I have actually enjoyed for the past three weeks, went back to their old amateurish selves again. Seriously, the dancing was total B-rated Samba 101. I never saw any originality, spark, or even fantastic technique to wow me. Shawn and Mark were just going through the motions, and I thought the judges were on the right track when Len criticized the performance for being one of the couple’s worst. Then during the handing out of the scores, I was absolutely livid that Carrie-Ann gave Shawn and Mark a ten. No one is asking Shawn to be the next Lady GaGa, but a ten for such a poor performance? That was the least deserving ten in Dancing With the Stars history, in my opinion. I was all on the side of my favorite judge, Len, on this one.
Lil’ Kim and Ty Murray were the true stars of the night from the way I saw things. Lil’ Kim’s Paso Doble was smoldering hot, passionate, yet never deviated away from the standard of the dance, that I thought it was a definite youtube replay performance. Ty, on the other hand, thoroughly impressed me with his samba. Yes, I agree that the technique was not perfect, but Ty looked the most confidant I had ever seen him, and instead of stumbling and bumbling across the dance floor, he ripped through it like the bull rider he is. Even though I would have preferred to see this team leave over Melissa and Tony, I am excited that Ty and Chelsie managed to pull enough votes together to stay. Not to give myself too much credit, but I will say since the very beginning I was very vocal about this team and how they would make it extremely far and do very well, and this was after Len gave them a four during the first routine. I had my detractors from the judges, the critics, and potentially many fans, but I have watched this show plenty of times to know the ones with longevity and the ones who fall by the waist-side early. Ty and Chelsie have definitely made me, as a scoreboarder and a fan, extremely proud as a viewer.
Last of all, I have to talk a little bit about the two couples left standing at tonight’s results show, seconds before the elimination announcement. Now, I watched Tony and Melissa’s dress rehearsal, and while I do agree that sevens were entirely deserved, I was thoroughly amazed by both Melissa and the American public tonight. Melissa has proven all throughout the competition that she deserves to stay until the end, and even through an injury, the viewers did not let the scores reflect Melissa’s overall standing in the competition, and I applaud them. Last night, I also placed in the maximum number of eight votes for Melissa and Tony, so even if they went, at least I knew I did all I could to save them. I just want to say, Melissa’s reaction truly touched me tonight. I have never seen a competitor so driven to stay, that they are overcome by emotion because they do not wish the journey to end, and know that for it to end now over an injury would be an injustice. After tonight, seeing Melissa take in the competition with humanity and sincere emotion, I will tell all our readers that I have not seen a better competitor in all the seasons I have watched this show. Magic moments like these do not come often, especially on cheesy reality shows like Dancing With the Stars, but when they do, it makes up for all the weaknesses a show can have.
Ok, now on to Chuck and Julianne. I admit, I was on their bandwagon up until last night. I agreed with the judges that they had hit their stride, but like Han Solo warned Luke Skywalker in Star Wars, “Don’t get cocky kid,” and that is exactly what happened to this couple. They got so cocky from last weeks universal praise, Chuck failed to improve his arms, which were absolutely atrocious during the cha-cha. I think he must have been listening to too much Journey, because honestly his arms were opened so far apart, I thought he was going to auctioneer himself as a coat hanger. Plus, I feel like the pair just exuded arrogance all throughout their routine, especially in their group number. Say what you will about those outfits, but at this stage of the game, you have to be serious and pulling out comic mischief like that makes you look like an amateur fool, and all signs pointed to the idea coming from Chuck and Julianne. I would disagree with Chuck, when he blamed his ouster on the group performance. That may be part of the equation, but at the end of the day, Chuck and Julianne were the least root-worthy team left. They had begun to make the performances more about themselves as a couple, and less about the audience who they were supposed to win votes from. I was absolutely ecstatic that this couple hit the trail, as Len described.
Now that everything is said and done, here are my rankings for the final, and best, five teams remaining:
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Melissa Rycroft and Tony Dovolani
Current Ranking: 1 Previous Ranking: 1
She landed in the bottom of the judges leader board this week, so why, you ask, I keep Melissa and Tony in the top spot? Simple; their injury had nothing to do with their weakness as performers, and Melissa’s genuine emotional reaction on tonight’s results show proved to me America was behind her, despite having a significant number of points behind the other five teams, and also that she is a fighter. Conviction and emotion like Melissa displayed during results night are the marks of a true champion, and I am hoping that Melissa can work past her injury and go all the way to claim the trophy she so deserves.
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Lil' Kim and Derek Hough
Current Ranking: 2 Previous Ranking: 5
Lil’ Kim and Derek got their groove back this week. I was afraid that this couple would never recover after last week’s misfire, but I am happy to report all is right in the world for my favorite pint-sized squealer. Lil’ Kim’s Paso Doble was electrifying without ever jeopardizing the integrity of the dance style. I still question whether Lil’ Kim’s technique is good enough to propel her to the finals, but for now she takes the crown for entertainment, and honing in on that “wow” factor we look forward to each week on the show.
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Shawn Johnson and Mark Ballas
Current Ranking: 3 Previous Ranking: 2
Shawn Johnson is very lucky she has Carrie-Ann on her side; otherwise I would have ranked her in fourth place. After three weeks of impressing me with her performances, Shawn shockingly returns to her lifeless and boring self. That samba was so uninspiring and dull; I felt the only thing people were partying about was that the dance would soon end. Shawn did not have the crispness and emotional commitment she had brought the past three weeks, and I was extremely disappointed the pair returned back to the couple I detested four weeks ago. Carrie-Ann’s ten still keeps this couple within the realm of the finale.
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Gilles Marini and Cheryl Burke
Current Ranking: 4 Previous Ranking: 3
Something is definitely happening to this former frontrunner team, and not in a pleasant way. Cheryl’s frustrations and spastic cursing seems to have taken its toll on Gilles and the chemistry the two have. Gilles looks more and more unconfident and unsure of himself each week, and it is very difficult to blame either celebrity or professional. I think it is a mix of both; after all, it does take two to tango. Gilles’s lifeless lindy hop made me wonder whether he had the tenacity and stamina to make it all the way to the finals. The past two weeks he has looked tired, somber, and slightly bored. I am still confused as to why the judges keep praising him, because the only medicine to fix this sliding couple is constructive criticism that could help them reclaim their former glory.
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Ty Murray and Chelsie Hightower
Current Ranking: 5 Previous Ranking: 6
Even though Ty and Chelsie rank last on the scoreboard this week, I still could not be prouder of this team. They have easily been the most improved couple in Dancing With the Stars history, as no couple who has ever received a four has ever made it this far in the competition, especially when also receiving nines in the past few weeks. I have rooted for this couple since the get-go, and I am relieved that America supports this team as much as I have. Their chemistry is beyond brilliant, and the majority of their success I have to attribute to Chelsie Hightower. Her positivity, her work ethic, and her ability to bring out the best in a person who is not a natural dancer is jaw-dropping. Chelsie truly is the diamond in the rough, and I am very excited she was cast this season. Ty’s dance this week was the best he’s ever had, and I was excited to see that he landed in third place. Who would have ever guessed that Ty Murray would tie Shawn Johnson in competitive dancing on this show? No one in a million years I tell you; that is the beauty of this show.
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Chuck Wicks and Julianne Hough
8th Elmination
It seems that as soon as I turned on this couple this week, so did America. Chuck and Julianne stopped coming off as affable and sweet, but more so cloying and obnoxious. I really feel this was not Julianne’s best year in demonstrating herself, and it all seemed a case of pushing the coupling in America’s face instead of proving competent dance abilities. Both Chuck and Julianne’s egos went sky high as soon as the judges gave them high scores, and their overconfidence got to their heads that they were unable to improve their technique, and got entirely ahead of themselves. The dramatic finish of the team dance routine, I would argue, was most likely caused by Julianne and Chuck, who felt that they were good enough already in the viewers and judge’s minds that they could afford a comedic turn. Chuck and Julianne’s elimination is a good lesson for future celebrity couples. Never, ever get too comfortable, and always perform as if it is your last night dancing.
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Lawrence Taylor and Edyta Sliwinska
7th Elmination
Ding dong, Lawrence is gone! Finally, the least entertaining contestant of the season, who grumbled and stumbled throughout the entire run, was rightfully eliminated. I feel bad for Edyta, because after eight seasons of being on the show, she deserves a win. I think this season the producers thought she had a chance since football players have a great track record on the show, but unfortunately for Edyta, Lawrence had a poor attitude and horrific dance ability. Of every elimination thus far, this was the most deserving and I was thoroughly enthusiastic upon his exit. Lawrence can go tee off, and America won’t have to suffer watching him dance. See, everyone wins!
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Steve-O and Lacey Schwimmer
6th Elmination
Even though I would have much rather preferred Lawrence and Edyta get the boot, I will say this was the first elimination this season that I felt was entirely deserved. Steve-O really did all he could, and I definitely admired his charm and conviction on the show. Eighth place ultimately is a lot further than I thought he would go, and I think he should be proud of his accomplishments on the show. He also made Lacey tolerable this season, something I thought was impossible after her rebelliousness/arrogance last season. Steve-O is every bit a winner as anyone.
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David Allan Grier and Kim Johnson
5th Elmination
That poor stepchild! His parents/judges despised him, despite his clear showmanship and natural dance ability, and thus the viewers at home left DAG out to dry. It is a shame, because both last night and during the dance-off, I saw drive and determination on David’s face that I had never seen before. Four weeks ago, I said David Alan Grier and Kym had one of the worst chemistry’s of the entire series, but this week they certainly proved me wrong. And yet it all boiled down to an unfair elimination, which does not surprise me on this show. Football dancers, no matter how terrible they dance, are destined to go fairly far in the competition. As a last note, I would like to say that David Alan Grier turned my whole perception of him around. I at first found him annoying, smug, and obnoxious, and could not wait for him to be eliminated from the show. What a difference four weeks make, because now I have the utmost respect for DAG as a dancer and as a performer.
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Steve Wozniak and Karina Smirnoff
4th Elmination
Steve is certainly my favorite worst-dancer of the series. While he may not have brought out more laughs than Cloris Leachman or more outrageousness than Master P, the Woz definitely brought out a witty outlook on the competition. He knew he was not the best dancer, but he did his thing every week, and he never once lost his confidence or grace even after the judges ripped him a new one on a continuous basis. Although I just about had a laugh attack when Bruno said that the only thing Steve was comparable to the Argentine Tango was the stench of the bars, I will give Steve kudos for a witty comeback that he was still standing, even if it was only for twenty-four hours. Good times Woz, good times!
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Holly Madison and Dmitry Chaplin
5th Elmination
It’s too bad that the week I was beginning to enjoy Holly was the week in which she was sent packing. I was digging her positive attitude, spunk, and quirky confessionals this week, and while her tango was by no means spectacular, I have certainly seen her dance worse. It is also too bad that Dmitry has the personality of a pencil, but it was endearing to see Holly be truly genuine in her awe of her partner’s choreography. Unlike Kim Kardashian and Shana Moakler, this reality star seemed to really have a ton of fun on the show. I have to say that while I was never really a fan of Holly, at least her personality let her go out with a bang.
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Denise Richards and Maksim Chmerkovskiy
2nd Elmination
While I was not the biggest Denise Richards fan, I will say I was pretty shocked she was voted off, especially because of the fact she left before two totally uninspired dancers: Steve Wozniak and Holly Madison. In the dance off, Denise showed that she had great potential, and that when the pressure was on, she really was able to pull out a credible routine. I wish she had been less timid and more personable during the early rounds. I believe that is the reason why she was eliminated so early on in the competition. She just was not exciting enough for the viewing public to keep voting for. In past seasons, I think Denise would have done quite well, but because of the talented crop of celebrities as well as the big personalities, Denise fell short on both counts and was ultimately eliminated second.
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Belinda Carlisle and Jonathan Roberts
1st Elmination
I am happy that my prediction was correct that she was the first dancer to be leaving, but after watching the results night, a part of me wanted her to stay a little bit longer. She seemed to have more of a vibrant stage presence in week two, and her dancing was definitely a lot better than the Woz. I suppose viewers were tired of seeing the revamped “old-lady” celebrity attempt to dance alongside the youngsters. While Belinda will not be terribly missed, I definitely would have liked to see more of her.
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Joseph Braverman is a 20 year old film student at the University of Santa Cruz,
California. Aside from being a reality tv junky, he loves reading, watching
films, and spending time with friends and family. You can contact him at
jbravj@gmail.com.
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