The Hills: "Young Hollywood"
Episode 14 Recap by Erin Murphy
November 6, 2007
After 20 minutes of picketing for the writers' strike on my front porch this morning, I gave up because tearing apart my little pets from "The Hills" is much more fun (and my weak upper body strength forced me to duct tape the sign to my head and I ripped out half my bangs and nothing is worth looking like Gidget).
Sure, I'm a Scab since I used to live in Hollywood and write on bathroom walls so I'm practically in the writer' guild, but then I remembered I have a new fan. Her name is Amy and she's a new mom which reminds me a lot of myself since I have cats and they stress me out when I forget to feed them and I heard kids cry if you forget to feed them too.
Practically the same I figure and kids can talk and eventually get jobs so I know it's easier in the long run. So because of Mama Hills (Amy), my devoted Love Monkey (Kerry P.), and The Prof who has probably been busy worshipping the shrine he built in my honor - I refuse to turn my back in protest of anything. I will write because it's what I do, it's my passion, my life, and I've never done it for a paycheck which makes it pure and beautiful - like when I became a woman in the middle of swim practice at 12 years old. Anyway, enough about real life, let's get on with the scripted reality show…
True to form, LC and Whitney arrive at the party venue, a church, once a place of holy worship that they've filled with wicker furniture and vacuous people. Throw in a pentagram and a goat head and I think we'd have ourselves a party worth attending. Lisa Love slithers into the room and smirks as she informs LC she'll be working backstage and Whitney will be working in the front of the house which is "really horrible." Yes, she really said that and Whitney smiled through it all. Sucker.
Heidi's minion assistant cheerfully bounces into her office with an obnoxiously "uge" bouquet of roses (I don't pronounce the "h" or write it because it makes me sound sophisticated and you will too). I'm actually thinking of dropping "h" from my vocabulary entirely - it's just a waste of time really. Any_ow, the flowers are from Spencer (no surprise) and they are in celebration of Heidi's 21st birthday which really doesn't matter in a world where drinking underage is guaranteed for anybody with a camera crew or paparazzi close behind. I'm just saying. Also, I'd like to give a shout out to my favorite show "Talk Soup" for making fun of Spencer's "flesh-colored beard" - OMG, isn't it so true. Heidi's unnamed assistant invites her to lunch and Heidi happily accepts since she has no other friends who may potentially call to possibly invite her out for lunch.
Across town, Audrina lunches with one of her many friends, Chiara, an intern at Epic. Audrina brags about the hot band she's going got check out tonight with Justin and she toys with the idea if getting a CD and a possibly signing them. Is she serious? Her lone brain cell has apparently grown an ego of its own and has probably hired an assistant to abuse while it's handing out record deals to starving bands strewn along Sunset Boulevard. I thought Audrina was a receptionist. This is like a McDonald's employee deciding they can just be Ronald McDonald one day. It just doesn't work like that.
At lunch, Heidi brags to her unnamed assistant about how she should be turning 25 instead of 21 since she has grown so much in the past year. Unnamed assistant asks about Heidi's plans and she's surprised to hear the evening involves only a fancy dinner with the one and only, Spencer. Unnamed assistant thinks the plans seem rather boring for a 21st birthday celebration, but Heidi assures her it's exactly what she wants and then glares at unnamed assistant and sucks down the rest of her afternoon Chardonnay.
Back at the church party, LC and Whitney piss and moan about how hard it's going to be to pull off the party. I'm hoping something will go wrong so I'll be entertained, but I feign sympathy when Whitney looks in my direction. Moments later, Jennifer, a very important "Teen Vogue" person, patronizes Whitney and stirs up her nerves even more for the night ahead. Whitney nods so much she looks like a pouty bobblehead. LC gives instructions on how to use radios to communicate and Whitney seems stunned. Overload. People start to arrive as Lisa Love hobbles around and barks at her girls.
Scrawny models stagger about and LC corrals them like a pro. Young Hollywood, none of whom I recognize, pose on the red carpet and sneer at the cameras. Life is rough. Inside is chaos, young and unrefined egos mingle clumsily and demand front-row seating. Whitney stumbles around throwing the imp-sized celebrities into their chairs quicker than they can ask for a strawberry daiquiri.
At the Viper Room.....
Erin Murphy, is a 30-year-old Midwestern girl who lives in Indianapolis, home of the Colts. She stays grounded every day with the help of her friends and alcohol. She feels it’s important to never take life to seriously and very much enjoys laughing at most things including herself… life is what you make it and she can’t wait to see what happens next.
You can make her day by contacting her at: Erin@RealityTVcalendar.com.
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