The Hills: "Forgive and Forget"
Episode 15 Recap by Erin Murphy
November 13, 2007
I must share with my two loyal readers and my mom that I recently perused an article mentioning that MTV has been casting for Heidi's wedding episode for the next season of "The Hills." I'm not talking about some extras to fill the church or to surround the sacrificial altar; I'm talking about casting Heidi's bridesmaids. WOO HOO! I don't know which is more pathetic - a network casting somebody's wedding party and audience (yes, that's us) still watching it, OR having to hire people to be in your wedding party because you don't have one person (not even a dork you keep around to borrow money from) to be in your wedding. The bottom line is that they'll cast it, we'll watch it, and I will probably cry and then smack my boyfriend while he's sleeping and ask why he isn't more like Spencer. Let's just say I warned you, honey! Anyway, let's get on with the drama…
Lisa Love who's dressed up for Halloween as Droopy Dog (the cartoon basset hound who specializes in pressing the elevator buttons) - oh wait, Halloween is over, my bad. Yes, I'm evil but this broad has it coming. Her jowls jiggle with delight as she informs the girls they will be attending the "Declare Yourself" event and representing "Teen Vogue" - as if anybody cares if they show up. Anyhow, the girls rush back to their closet where they review the guest list only to learn that Heidi's boss, Brent Bolt-neck, is on the advisory board for the event. Does this mean Heidi will be there? Well of course it does, don't be an idiot.
At the Bolthouse Offices, Kimberly, the new girl and fresh meat for Heidi, talks about attending the upcoming "Declare Yourself" event - imagine that. We suddenly cut to the party where cameras flash and Justin Timberlake and various other celebrities that I hate for no good reason slither into the party ready to be worshipped. Whitney and LC skip the red carpet and enter a paparazzi-free doorway which seems odd and unlikely and supports my hunch that this entire event is phony and nothing more than a set-up for Heidi and LC's mid-season showdown. I'm a genius so don't feel bad if you didn't catch on like I did. Whitney asks where Audrina is and LC comments that she's across town riding Bustin Jobby's hog and motorcycle - possibly at the same time which may explain Audrina's addiction to dirt-caked yet oily schmuck. Anyway, in further support of my theory, minutes later Heidi and Kimberly enter the same doors and soon after the enemy gangs spot each other. If somebody had a shiv, I might be more excited for the showdown, but I'm prepared for boredom and grab a pillow in case I drift off.
Across town on Audrina's hot date with Bustin Jobby, we learn he is dreading his hair because he's too tired to wash it and apparently its 1995 again and dreads are cool. Anyhow, Audrina can't help but brag about her fancy job promotion at Epic Records which basically involves a new cubicle and Bustin expresses his undying support by belching so loud his lips quiver like Barney on "The Simpsons." I can practically smell the hot dog he ate for lunch when he pushes out another burp just in time to interrupt Audrina's further excitement about her new position. He flops his head onto the bar, exhausted by the energy necessary to burp three times in one minute. Audrina stares in disgust at her man and the matted rat's nest of hair stuck to his head. I bet he smells like cheese and band-aids.
Team Heidi and Team LC stare from across the empty faux party. Heidi decides to make the first move (since that what the script says) and approaches LC and Whitney. Heidi tries to be pleasant which is about as natural as my boobs and Whitney breaks the ice by introducing herself to Kimberly. Heidi then asks LC how she's doing as if they have casually lost touch and LC lays into her stating that she'll only talk to her after an apology has been made. Heidi immediately denies any involvement in the sex tape rumor but the most intriguing part of the conversation is that she is unable to completely deny Spencer's involvement. LC scolds Heidi for not doing anything to stop Spencer from spreading the rumor and Heidi continues to incriminate him by saying she can't control him. LC shakes her head in disbelief at Heidi's pleas of innocence. Aware that the situation is only getting worse, Heidi excuses herself. Sheesh LC, can't you take a joke…sex tapes are funny and can only further your career.
The next morning, LC recaps the eventful evening to Audrina. LC cannot believe Heidi can sleep next to Spencer knowing the horrible things he can do to people… like spread sex tape rumors. Can these people get real problems please - not the kind that can potentially bring in millions of dollars. The showdown was rather anti-climactic and Audrina is easily bored by the rehash and heads off to her big day at work.
Audrina arrives at the Jimmy Kimmel show.....
Erin Murphy, is a 30-year-old Midwestern girl who lives in Indianapolis, home of the Colts. She stays grounded every day with the help of her friends and alcohol. She feels it’s important to never take life to seriously and very much enjoys laughing at most things including herself… life is what you make it and she can’t wait to see what happens next.
You can make her day by contacting her at: Erin@RealityTVcalendar.com.
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