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Survivor Tocantins: The Dragonslayer - His Own Words
By RTVC Editor Ron Lemon
May 15, 2009
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The Dragonslayer
Have you been following Coach Ben Wade, the self-proclaimed slayer of dragons, on Twitter. If not, you should. Its interesting, sad, and good for a laugh. In other words, its entertaining. You can, and should, follow him here.
What follows is all Coach, no comments from me, and nothing is altered. This is all Coach Dragonslayer in his own words.
After being examined, I let them wheel me to Jury Barracks with basically a shattered back. Would've freaked them out if I levitated there.
Stephen is a rat. Implicitly impossibly impecably indubitably indoubtedly decidedly definitively. Period paragraph page chapter book series.
Erinn & Taj are Stormtroopers. Drones doing their Masters bidding so if evil prevails they can laugh childishly & feel important
JT is young Skywalker, Stephen is the once righteous Anakin turned to the Darkside & I am the fallen Warrior Obi Wan, guiding JT from beyond
Im reminded of wise old words.. "You can't win, Darth. If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine."
I played at a very high level for too long and forgot my body is only human. Left myself vulnerable & they pounced. Cant blame them really.
Most people think of magic and think David Blaine. Please. Real magic is when a Shaman tears out your heart to replace it with a lion heart.
People dont want to see a rabbit pulled from a hat these days, they want to see the rabbit hunted and killed. Thats what I do.
What do I have up my sleeve for tonight? News flash: I dont wear sleeves. Sleeves are for Entertainers; I am a Warrior and an Artist.
The tattoos on my arm are unknowable symbols carved by the Chief of an extinct forest tribe in western Asia. Their culture dies with me.
Asst Coach asked who started calling me Dragonslayer. No one seems to know but I like it that way...that's how all great nicknames happen.
Everyone tune in next week. After Probst's jab at 'Counsil, I worked out a plot to vote him off. I wont rest until my enemies are defeated.
I know "dog" is used to show respect but I prefer something more descriptive of both my beauty and brutality. Call me "Centaur".
Last week Sierra wore her heart on her sleeve. This week I plan to wear her heart on mine.
Of course I won immunity, I invented the grappling hook. Made it out of lion teeth and used it to scale the walls of an ancient Mayan temple
Did everyone hear me say "Dragonslayer" after I won immunity?
In six years of observing and writing about reality TV I can think of no other "star" who is more self-deluded. Or is it all an act? I don't know, and don't much care. What I do care about is that Coach made for some great TV. Imagine this season of Survivor without him. Dull and coma-inducing comes to mind.
If there is another All-Stars version of Survivor then Coach is at the top of my list.
Several times over the years I have written that I think CBS should take cast memembers from Surivor and let them play Big Brother. Can you imagine? Wouldn't you love to see the likes of Boston Rob, Johnny Fairplay, Richard Hatch, and Coach eating each other alive while Rupert runs around the Big Brother house stealing their stuff. Yeah. That's reality TV.
Coach, you are one wacked out dude. But thank you for a great season. You made it work.
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Ron Lemon is the very opinionated, but not-always-right, editor of Reality TV Calendar. He is a United States Air Force veteran, a Pennsylvania Army National Guard veteran and retired from the Pennsylvania Department of Corrections. He lives in Orlando with his wife and business partner Christine. He does this because he enjoys it, he hates alarm clocks, and it is better than getting up and going to work everyday. Until such time as he wins the lottery he can be reached at: Editor@RealityTVCalendar.com.
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