Reality TV Calendar

Stimpy's Take

Jessica "Figgy"
Justin "Jay"

Survivor 33: Paranoia And The Big Blow Hard
A Stimpy Snarkfest
September 21, 2016

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
Mark Twain
Greeting once again fans of Survivor! The new season - Millennials vs. Gen X is upon us and the premiere episode is now in the books!

Thus it falls to me, once again (seriously people is NO ONE gonna knock me out of here?), Stimpy, your humble (ha!) scribe to bid you hail and welcome to the Snarkfest where I shall delve into the goings-on that transpired for your reading pleasure (also: Ha!)

But first!


I know, I know. How the hell can there be any housekeeping when it’s the first damn episode?

Well, first off, I got confused as the episode unfolded. I saw Jessica (Figgy) and then saw Jessica again, only it wasn’t the same girl.

So what the hell was up wit dat? Am I getting so old that I skipped over Jessica (the other one) while doing ’First Takes’?

The answer: No, I did not. Turns out I did do a blurb on her, it just didn’t get posted. So the editor got confused. In his defense, he was probably waxing the car or something.

At any rate, completely unedited from what I submitted about Jessica (the other one):

Another lawyer. Who the hell was minding the courts when this season was being filmed? Oh right, there are more people in law school than there are lawyers these days.


Let me just say that while lawyers haven’t done all that well on Survivor, everyone out there should be deeply concerned about sitting next to this woman in the finals.

Who the hell gets a standing ovation from a jury? Oh, Jessica did. How would you have liked to be the defendant in that case?

Now, Jessica? Don’t tell anyone out there that that happened. Because the moment you do, there will be at least one person who realizes facing you in the finals would be akin to grim death.

And your torch will get snuffed.

Jessica is clearly a driven woman and props to her for that. Again though driven in life, doesn’t necessarily translate to success on Survivor.

Likening herself to Cirie doesn’t thrill me (never been a fan, but I get that others are), but again it’s about drive.

While that’s a good trait to have, I want to see a bit more.

Such as: I am driven to win this game. I have seen every season of Survivor and get that the key is to get a core group and convince them that every move YOU want to make is in THEIR best interests.

Then when you face the jury you need to let them know why you deserve the win by giving them exactly what they want to hear.

Jessica is primed for the jury phase of the game. She’s not demonstrating to me in her profile that she knows how to get there.

So that’s outta the way.

Other than that.....

Continued on Next Page

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