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Stimpy's Take

Jessica "Figgy"
Justin "Jay"

Survivor 33: I's ‘the people I trust versus the people you trust’.
A Stimpy Snarkfest
November 3, 2016

Because revenge has worked so well as a motive thus far.

Jesus fuck.

Well, my enthusiasm for this season has gone right into the toilet. Good job guys!

On to the Run-down!


1) Jessica:
Well, I may as well give her the ‘Stimpy Kiss of Death’ and rank her number one now.

Solid enough performance at the Immunity Challenge. And she’s in with the majority. So, reasons.

2) Hannah: Gonna bump her up a bit, just because it was a solid episode for her. She was remarkably level-headed throughout, and handled herself incredibly well.

3) Jay:Talisman, so he’s safe for a bit. He seemed level-headed early on, and like he had a plan. Then it went to shit. We’ll see if he can recover.

He’s on his own now (yeah, I know Taylor and Will, but having those guys with you counts as a bit of a negative, but I won’t hold it against him), so it’s time to see what chops this kid actually has.

4) David: Lack of screen-time tonight, but wasn’t completely invisible.

5) Bret: Face time. Not an idiot. Hence.

6) Ken: I dunno, reasons?

7) Adam:
Lots of face-time and NONE of it was good! Let’s go through the check-list:

One, he decides it’s best to extricate himself from a social surrounding - IN A SOCIAL GAME MIND YOU - to talisman-hunt, and only gets an advantage that isn’t really all that shit-hot.

Two, he decides to cozy up to the guy he ‘betrayed’, and sell him on targeting Will without a proper sell-job (here’s a clue: You NEED to get Will outta here, dude! Jay may be more beholding to him right now than to you!) AND before the Immunity Challenge had even hit.

Three, he needed a plan B, realized he was fucked, cozied up to Gen X, and then they wavered on whom to boot, he tried to run back to the Millennials. There’s a word for people like that on Survivor: Sketchy.

That’s pretty much the ‘I fucked up HUGE!’ trifecta right there.

8) Zeke: Ugh. I get the feeling that this goober is gonna be around for the long-haul. I still don’t see him winning (thank god!). Rest assured if it does seem like he’s going to win this thing? I’ll pitch myself off my balcony.

Relax folks. I’m only one floor up. But it is symbolic.

9) Will:

That was probably the most face-time he’s gotten all season. And it wasn’t good!

I mean congrats and all about winning Immunity when you thought you needed it, but guess what? You’re still a target! And nobody wins them all.

Dude, do yourself a favor and TALK to Adam yourself. Ask what’s up and see if you can’t mend fences rather than doing Gen X’s dirty work for them by trying to gun each other.

Ya fucking goof!

10) Sunday: When?

11) Chris: Face-time and all, but I don’t give a rat’s ass. Like I said, his ‘lines will be drawn’ spiel was SO telling. The last time that happened, and he was on the wrong side of the line, everyone else found themselves staring down the business end of a massive hissy-fit.

He was one of the first who was ‘hell bent on revenge’ and it got him nowhere. Now, if we’d seen a confessional where he’d said he needed to think smarter going forward? I’d have more hope for his chances.

As it is, I don’t think his is the edit of a winner.

Well there ya have it folks! Hope y’all enjoyed it. If not, I don’t give a damn anymore. Every woman that I thought had a chance has gotten gunned, and I have no hope for this season to pull itself outta the crapper.

That being said, I am still your humble (ha!) and unbiased (HA!) scribe, so I shall continue to slog away for your reading pleasure (HE-HAW-HAW!).

As always, feel free to post your thoughts below or email me directly.

Lastly: Shouting out to all veterans and those that have given their lives for freedom and our way of life! It’s Remembrance Day up here in Canada, but whatever it’s called where you are, take a moment and remember!


Complete Survivor Coverage

Stimpy is a huge fan of Survivor and enjoys dissecting each episode. When not watching Survivor or sports on TV, he fills his time by skydiving, rockclimbing, golfing, and rollerblading, as well as sitting on the beach drinking beer in British Columbia, Canada. You can contact him at

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