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Amazing Race: Phil Is Sorry And So Are We
Episode 9 Commentary by Jessi K.
November 24, 2008
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For this leg of the race, teams learned they’d leave the cows of Kazakhstan to fly 2,000 miles to Moscow, Russia. Starr and Nick, clad in his “today is my birthday” shirt ala Starr and a Sharpie, left first at around 9 p.m. only to learn the earliest flight out of Kazakhstan wasn’t until 6 a.m. This meant that all teams would catch up and Starr and Dallas could have a romantic midnight stroll past closed duty free shops. Their relationship seems to be getting more serious as implied by the background music. It’s now graduated to the same acoustic guitar music heard on “The Bachelor.” I halfway expected Bachelor host Chris Harrison to step in and offer Starr a note asking her if she’d want to spend an evening with Dallas in a “fantasy suite.”
Andrew and Dan, two such bachelors sure to never visit a fantasy suite, left their shoes behind at the last roadblock and “jacked” cheap hotel slippers off of their maid. Shuffling through the airport in paper-thin footwear, they discovered a 24 hour shoe store. Dan was at first reluctant to spend the money but Andrew pointed out cheaper options. Holding a pair of shoes in his hands Dan surmised, “But they’re like open-toed, if you don’t mind looking like an idiot.” This from a boy who just made his way around the streets of Almaty, Kazakhstan in a cow costume and who is now wearing hotel slippers.
Once in Moscow, teams nabbed cabs and headed to the monastery where they had to light a candle. Toni and Dallas’ driver was the only one who knew how to get there and therefore Nick and Starr’s cab driver followed. After having lit the candle, teams had to make their way to Kolosok Camp to search for their next clue. Yet again, Dallas and Toni’s driver knew where to go but Starr and Nick’s did not, despite it being Nick’s birthday and all. Had the shirt said it in Russian, perhaps they would’ve been more sympathetic. Maybe “today is my birthday!” translates to “I like getting lost!” in Russia.
In Kolosok the detour required teams to choose between boots or borscht. In boots, teams had to don a military uniform and learn a parade march while in borscht, teams had to serve 75 soldiers of the training squad beet borscht. Serving soup requires little coordination or skill and so therefore I thought everyone would choose it, but all teams immediately decided on boots saying it was easier than serving food. Dallas and Toni were first to arrive to the detour and put on their uniforms before learning the “traditional foot wrap” which involved wrapping one’s foot with a handkerchief. Has Russia not heard of a thing called a sock?! The camp should be called Kolosok-less. I have the urge to ship those soldiers a box of Gold Toes tomorrow.
Dan and Andrew arrived to the detour second followed closely by Ken and Tina, who was reluctant to change in front of the others since she was apparently not donning any undergarments. She obviously hasn’t seen enough episodes of “Friends” to know Joey Tribbiani’s cardinal rules of life which includes, “Not goin’ commando in another man's fatigues.” The role of a militant suited Tina well and she and Ken seemed to be enjoying themselves. They obviously are getting along better as we hardly saw them the duration of the episode. In their place were the new Bickerson’s: Dan and Andrew. Andrew couldn’t figure out the traditional foot wrap at the detour as Dan nagged him, which allowed for Ken and Tina to pass them by. The boys then decided to forgo the task completely, remove their uniforms and serve the borscht. It’s not until they started to serve that they re-read the instructions and realized they needed to be in uniform for the task. After they were dressed again, Nick and Starr had arrived and finished and seeing how quickly they completed the marching task, the boys changed their minds yet again and decided to learn the march. But for Dan, there was no learning. His arms and legs flailed about in a way that wasn’t safe to the people around him. Not even the Russian soldiers could keep a straight face watching him. The judging officer seemed to watch in horror as it continued and replied “nyet” each time Dan was finished. I felt as if I could read the soldiers minds while watching him: “We lost the Cold War to them?!?!”
Dallas and Toni were first to the road block following the detour and had to unload fifty 50lb. bags of flour from a truck and deliver them to a bakery. The truck, however, was parked outside of the bakery so the delivery was more like taking it inside. When Dallas set his first two sacks of flour on the floor of the bakery, he was told by a very stern woman, “That won’t do. Be careful. Follow instructions.” I fell in love with her right then. Where has she been the entire race?! Maybe if she had stood at every clue box and said, “Be careful. Follow instructions.” in her icy Russian accent, teams would’ve paid more attention to their directions. Hell, she only appeared to me on television and I felt I had to obey.
I decided I wanted her.....
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Jessi K. is a freelance writer from Iowa who has a penchant for reality TV, carbonated beverages, and boybands. She can be reached at Jessi@RealityTVCalendar.com.
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